Anyhow

The gratitude of my temporary inmates seems only to ring truer with each passing circumstance. I suppose I may have acquired a skill or two over the years where it pertains to the custodial caretaking that so many in this throwaway culture would prefer to ignore.

It’s not Stockholm Syndrome that these folks have come down with, since I’m not the one responsible for my subjects’ captivity, but it is definitely a similar phenomenon (a guy sure could get used to all the attention, anyhow). My wards do actually receive that kind of no-strings care that the medical insurance industry forgot about as soon as private concerns got their hooks into it (even though their advertising tries to sell a different story).

Perhaps because of this comfort, every single one of our emerging beer-krausening technologies has been behind schedule under my watch. Maybe it was a mistake to combine a halfway house with a chemistry lab. Our three chemists-in-captivity are functioning alcoholics who just use this particular project to get tanked on the job all day–with my tacit blessing, I suppose. Last Thursday, Ernie–the least-tactful of the three–decided to not look both ways before crossing the street on his lunch break (I do give them at least a little time in each week to get out and smell the flowers). Long story short, Ernie got hit by a shipment of cabbages (with a truck attached), survived, and is now suing the city for not putting a stop sign in a 40 MPH zone. As soon as he got back from the hospital, you’d better believe I gave him quite the lecture on roadside awareness!

Creature Comforts

The wealth of all
accumulated astronomers
has poured into our creature comforts

to the point where we’ve lost
our connection with the first
scientific innovators,

and are therefore doomed to repeat
the age of ignorance–hooray.

Smorgasbord

Smorgasbord:
The Tortoise Scored

Morgan:
Lord of Cold-Rolled Gourds

Corgis:
Understated Hoards

Morty:
One-Ups Mushroom Spores

Iron Ore:
“We Forge Your Swords!”®

Patron

He was a motor-mechanical anti-mathematical
(some kind of patron of the arts).

Never did much
besides pass the time
with a chicken named Harvey
(a fowl alcoholic).

They’d drink and squawk
about the most mundane, asinine things
[and they loved it].

Chucky Dan

Falsified drugstore positions
will do you no good, Chucky Dan.

First you’ll want to get at the razor blades
without customer assistance–good luck
if you don’t have a crowbar
or similar striking/prying agent.

Before you know it,
you’ll be halfway down the rabbit hole
of convenience addiction.

It won’t be long now
until you find yourself
checking into hotel rooms
just to assess the price of french fries
(weighted against the corresponding preparations).
Trust me on this one, CD.

Doorstop Dog

Doorstop Dog,
you reminisce about childhood
a lot.

That strawberry milkshake
between your paws
looks mighty delicious
on a hot April morning.