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Tag: Beat

Never Beat a Gift Egg in the Horse

Never
beat a gift egg
in the horse.

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Author Aidan BadingerPosted on September 30, 2020September 30, 2020Categories Abstract, absurdist, Cliché, Experimental, Poetry, Quick Bites, Stream of Consciousness, surrealismTags Beat, Beat an Egg, Egg, Gift, Horse, Never, Never Beat a Gift Egg in the HorseLeave a comment on Never Beat a Gift Egg in the Horse

Catwalk

Why has such a billowing young man allowed himself to fall down that greased-up rabbit hole commonly known as chicken-shaped coffee can concerns? As bizarre as that may sound to you, I happen to be something of an expert on chicken-shaped coffee can concerns. I was a commodities wiz for several decades, made and lost millions in a single day at my peak.

But don’t let my obvious charisma throw you off the scent of justice, m’boy. Fads are fads, and you don’t wanna be the only one left holding your bag after the euphoria ends. Trust me, that gets old real fast. Speculation for speculation’s sake can be fun, of course, but why risk your shirt when a perfectly good bullion or two will do? That young man would do well to stay within his means, and not getting unnecessary credit cards in a manic hysteria (another one of my finer moments).

Buying 14 hoverboards might seem like a sound investment right now, but I’ve found a full night’s sleep before making impulsive decisions has helped me immensely over the years (to the tune of at least 200 grand). I realized that I had to take more preventative measures after that one time I plunked down all my liquid assets on that damn stadium (right after liquidating all my hard assets). I was genuinely screwed for years, considering that I got in right at the top of the market. So here I am, living on the catwalk of this blasted arena (well, just sleeping there sometimes as a way to impress the ladies), pondering all the choices in my life that led to this moment.

But what were we talking about again? Right, some young whippersnapper’s trying to beat the market by flipping bologna down there at his corner deli (yeah right, like corner delis exist for guys like him). You may think I’m out of touch, but you’ll quickly learn how overvalued being “in touch” really is.

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Author Aidan BadingerPosted on August 28, 2020Categories absurdist, Black Comedy, conversational, Experimental, Fiction, Idiomatic, Implied Dialogue, Lecture, monologue, non sequitur, Observation, Poetry, satire, Stream of Consciousness, surrealismTags 14, 200, 200 Grand, About, After, Again, Allow, Arena, Asset, Bag, Beat, Beat the Market, Before, being, Billowing, Bizarre, Blasted, Bologna, Bullion, Buying, Can, Catwalk, Charisma, Chicken-Shaped, Choice, Choices, Coffee, Coffee Can, Commodities, Common, Commonly, Commonly Known, Concern, Consider, Considering, corner, Corner Deli, Damn, Decades, Decision, Deli, Down There, End, Euphoria, Exist, Fads, Fall Down, Fast, Flipping, Found, Full Night's Sleep, Fun, Genuinely, Gets Old, Good, Grand, Greased-Up, Guy, Happen to Be, Hard, Hard Assets, Help, Helped, Here I Am, Holding, Hole, Hoverboard, Hoverboards, Hysteria, Immense, Immensely, Impress, Impulsive, In Touch, Investment, Known, Ladies, Learn, Left, life, Liquid, Liquid Asset, Liquid Assets, Liquidating, Living, Lost, M'Boy, Made, Making, Man, Market, Millions, moment, Obvious, Of Course, One, Only One, Out of Touch, Over the Years, Overvalued, Peak, Perfectly Good, Plunk, Plunked, Plunked Down, Pondering, Preventative, Preventative Measures, Quickly, Rabbit, Rabbit Hole, Real, Real Fast, Realized, Right at the Top, Right Now, Righty, Risk, Risk Your Shirt, Screwed, Seem Like, Several, Shirt, Sleeping, Something, Something of an Expert, Sometimes, sound, Sound Investment, speculation, Stadium, Talking, Talking About, That one Time, This Moment, Throw You Off, Throw You Off the Scent, Time, To the Tune of, Top, Top of the Market, Trust Me, Trying, Tune, Two, Wanna Be, Well, Whippersnapper, Will Do, Wiz, Yeah Right, Young, Young ManLeave a comment on Catwalk

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Abstract absurdist conversational Experimental Fiction Idiomatic Numbered Poetry Straitjacket: V-17X Stream of Consciousness

ARK HIVES

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ARK HIVES 1: 2/19/14

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Peppy Pepperonis (Rotating)

  • CVI
  • Robber
  • Such Claptrap
  • Exeggcutioner
  • Never Beat a Gift Egg in the Horse
  • Biff and Buffy
  • Brought to the Fore
  • California Quandary
  • Lore
  • The Badgers

ARK HIVES

Peppy Pepperonis (Rotating)

  • CVI
  • Robber
  • Such Claptrap
  • Exeggcutioner
  • Never Beat a Gift Egg in the Horse
  • Biff and Buffy
  • Brought to the Fore
  • California Quandary
  • Lore
  • The Badgers
Follow WHARVED on WordPress.com

Enter email, get poems!

ARK HIVES

Follow WHARVED on WordPress.com

Enter email, get poems!

Peppy Pepperonis (Rotating)

  • CVI
  • Robber
  • Such Claptrap
  • Exeggcutioner
  • Never Beat a Gift Egg in the Horse
  • Biff and Buffy
  • Brought to the Fore
  • California Quandary
  • Lore
  • The Badgers

ARK HIVES

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