Rest Easy

Enter Groucho Violent,
star of the nerves and streets,
a double threat if there ever was one.

His reputation precedes him as witty enough to turn a phrase and hard-knuckled enough to know when to admit defeat in the face of a petulant and pernicious foe who, in all likelihood, believes that their position of power has been handed down to them from the LORD ALMIGHTY, and any little rivulet of diarrhea that escapes their corpulence is to be rendered an earth-shattering development in the field of extrapersonal material management, now and forevermore.

Groucho is no stranger to the justice-enforcement arm of things. When his even-keel demeanor and righteous self-taught martial arts techniques combined on one fateful and blustery Flag Day eve, the Justice Jab was born. If you’re still unfamiliar with the singlemost effective crimefighting maneuver ever concocted by man or beast (in Mr. Violent’s last-ditch effort to uncover the overall reason as to our lack of humility when confronted with reasoning), you have some real catching up to do.

The Justice Jab is a miracle worker when the recipient of said jab needs to be awoken from the haze that they’ve come to accept over time, through sheer laziness and self-disrespect. The haze’s effect causes but is not limited to: depression, sluggishness, flatulence, lack of interest in things one would normally enjoy, unjustified sporadic agitation, and death. Such a disconcerting malady comes as a direct byproduct of this world we’ve inherited (through no fault of our own). Rather than face the music, the vast majority of we, the privileged few, have chosen to consume the content created specifically to manipulate our emotional and physical dependencies more efficiently and cheaply than cocaine ever could.

So the next time you see Groucho Violent
meting out swift street vengeance,
you can rest easy
knowing that he’s doing humanity a service.

The New Norm

Who among us possesses the heightened foresight necessary for the stoppage of Lincoln Log assembly lines–from the comfort of our own homes, no less? You may or may not be surprised to learn that less than two-thirds of one percent of the eligible voting population has the wisdom needed to stall the complete automation of the manufacturing process, and less than half of those individuals are capable of making such changes as independent contractors, not beholden to office politics or busybody micromanagers, though completely on their own when tax time rolls around (not that they would have it any other way).

Before this new wave of automation limitation, most folks simply had to wonder how the common denominator would cope with the never-ending shrinkage of employment opportunities, with living wages becoming an antiquated notion and multiple sources of income the new norm.

That’s not to say that we’re out of the woods just yet; computers and the subsequent technologies developing from their implementation have voiced their displeasure with how we’ve treated our one and only planet (as far as we all know to this point), coming close to the enforcement of capital punishment–like that ever did any good in the first place.

Long story short, my allergy to bee stings has made it very difficult for me to feel at all comfortable leaving the security of my home, leaving me alone with my stewing thoughts (largely regarding the most recent GDP of the Philippines).