Tag: parallel reality

Earmarks of Ethics

Let them battle on
like beetles in a bottle
made of black boron brisket basters,

see if I care.
I’ll be too busy
lifting a lark from grand larceny

at the local
law-enforcement library,
settling into books about justice

and the earmarks
of ethics on an enlightened society.
Just take, for instance, the calm songbird

known as the
male gavel finch. This master
of manipulation picks up a stick in its beak

and slams it
against the trunk of a tree,
making vibrations imperceptible by humans,

but irresistible
to the finicky female.
One well-placed strike may be all it takes.

Large Woodland Mammals

I won’t steer you
in any specific direction
until you’ve actually tried my cereal.

Just two doses a day
can ward off severe depression,
as evidenced by my friend Smoky over here.

He used to be
an average melancholic bear, but
after an all-cereal regimen, he was bouncing

off the walls
all the time. Granted,
an all-cereal diet will be high in sugar,

but you mustn’t discount
the great benefits just because
of a little weight gain and jitteriness.

Effects of this product
have not been extensively documented
on human subjects, but there is a glut of research

as it pertains
to the treatment of large woodland
mammals (bears, quadrupeds, yetis, etc.).

Go Flaunting That

Effervescent nuptials
stream out of our mouths
like we’ve been meaning
to speak them for some time.

Only we will know that we’re
actually improvising these words
according to the way we’ve been trained
at the Royal Academy of the Surprising.

Is there anything else
that can prove how suited
we are for one another?

Perhaps our sexual chemistry
would be a subtle hint, but
we shouldn’t go flaunting that around
in front of our poor single friends.

Like He Owned the Place

He has such a great voice.
I remember when I could hear him
practicing his craft in Juilliard’s
private studio space
like he owned the place
(and some day he just might).

He has a lovely raspy tone
with nasal notes reminiscent
of the greatest orators we’ve come
to adore through history.

No specific examples spring to mind,
which just goes to prove
that this is truly
a once-in-a-generation talent
we’re witnessing here.

Interminable Waiting Room

You can bet on a downpour of rain in our interminable waiting room this afternoon.

It’s been sunny for seven straight days here, and my elbow never acts up like this when good weather is on the horizon (if we could indeed see the horizon from here). Cover up the magazines, we don’t want those National Geographics to lose their sheen after so many years of being in near-mint condition.

Terrestrial Fromage

It is what it is, and we can’t change that anytime soon, so I suggest we go to the moon and sample the fine cheeses. Only the dweebs will be left on earth sampling the mediocre cow cheeses (to a lesser extent goat/sheep), and I truly feel sorry for them. They have nothing to lose now, forever stuck with terrestrial fromage.

Statement. I Can Say

Gorilla suits
are really no longer
a fashion statement.

I can say with confidence
that next season
will involve
more of a panda motif,

though I haven’t a clue
as to which bodily region
will be more highly favored
by designers when deciding
how best to market these new products.