I won’t steer you
in any specific direction
until you’ve actually tried my cereal.
Just two doses a day
can ward off severe depression,
as evidenced by my friend Smoky over here.
He used to be
an average melancholic bear, but
after an all-cereal regimen, he was bouncing
off the walls
all the time. Granted,
an all-cereal diet will be high in sugar,
but you mustn’t discount
the great benefits just because
of a little weight gain and jitteriness.
Effects of this product
have not been extensively documented
on human subjects, but there is a glut of research
as it pertains
to the treatment of large woodland
mammals (bears, quadrupeds, yetis, etc.).