Flanking the misogynistic brooch is an insecure medallion,
gaudy, cumbersome, more valuable than it’s worth.
Do I hear an opening bid?
I most certainly don’t.
Well people, I don’t much blame you. These things are hideous.
But in all seriousness, let’s give it the old college try.
Save the Volcanoes can really use your generous donations.
Honestly, you can buy this set and toss it in the trash for all I care.
Come on, all I need is one bid.
Oh I see, anyone who would commit funds to these atrocities is worried
that they’re doomed to never live it down in their social circles.
You’re all buffoons.
I’ll just buy them for five bucks so we can get on with the auction.
Sold to the man with common sense for five bucks.
Half a heifer to the man who can provide the whereabouts of the golden sombrero.
Okay then, a quarter heifer to the man who can muster the courage to admit his pigheadedness.
Okay then, an eighth of a heifer to the man who can swim to the bottom of this lake and retrieve the gumball machine I carelessly tossed in a bout of sugar rage.
Okay then, a sixteenth of a heifer to the man who can stand on one leg for more than five minutes without breathing.
Okay then, a thirty-second of a heifer to the man who can shave his armpit hair and refuse to scratch the area until it’s fully grown again.
Okay then, a sixty-fourth of a heifer to the man who can tell me where the closest diner might be.
Okay then, I’ll keep the heifer and you all can go to hell.
Talk about hard knocks. This marble countertop really banged up my knuckles.
Who told me that marble and marbles are the same material? Was it Edgar?
Edgar is nothing but trouble. I don’t know what possessed you to take him to that ball game.
I mean, I understand he just lost his dog, but baseball is a strange substitute.
You could have taken a date to that game, you know. You never think of those things, do you?
It’s not all just going to magically ‘work out’ for you. You have to make those efforts.