The Whole Kit ‘n’ Caboodle

Ramble ramble ramble, see if I care an iota. Look at my eyelid. No twitches at all. You’re not getting to me a bit. It’s tragic the way you feel you have to save face and keep up with the charade, and I admire you for trying–and look, you just keep on doing it as though you enjoy it as much as I hate it. I’m still not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing you’ve nagged me half to death; I’m just going to nod and smirk, knowing that I won this battle.

I built too many houses
made of playing cards
last month.

I should have completed
a few more brick ones,
like my mother suggested
26 years ago at this point.

I hate their guts.

Look
at how they just

hang
there

in the window.

Tell me one time
where a butcher

advertised
its livers
in the front display and

didn’t

lose their business within a month.
That’s exactly what I thought.

I hold this very much in contempt at the present moment. Your reaction to my drowning was simply appalling. You didn’t seem to want to do anything at all about it. Sure, you threw up your arms and started shouting at the lifeguard to get off his lazy ass, but I saw you eating a hot dog before I took my last breath. That kind of thing is not acceptable for a fiancée to do. Honestly, did you think I wouldn’t notice that you put ketchup on it?!

I told my sister she should shape her ships in a short-shrift shack. She showed me she could shave sheep on shallow shores, and I sure as hell shook my head.

I decided to end with a whimper; most folks only appreciate banging around and disrupting the pots and pans from their position aloft in the kitchen as an attempt to befuddle would-be trick-or-treaters who’ve begun begging for candy even earlier this year. A sorry state to see, with fun size candy bars shrinking by the minute. When was the last time the consumer received the service he (according to popular belief) actually deserves?

Bent over a desk
hunches a forlorn rabbit catcher man
with a broken net.

The net got stuck in the beak of an eagle
trying to carry away a local sheep.

Well, he wouldn’t have minded
if the eagle just took a sheep away,
had he not remembered
that he stuffed a quarter-ounce of diamonds
in the exact animal that the bird had in its sights.

Looking back on the whole scenario,
the rabbit catcher man
didn’t deserve the diamonds anyway.