Great geezers of Geneva! There are entirely too many apes on my side of the bed today. Normally there aren’t any at all, but today there are six. What gives? I didn’t leave the bedroom window open overnight… I suppose someone could have snuck in and planted them here as a prank, but that just seems needlessly difficult and dangerous for something that’ll only get a small rise out of me. I mean, I love apes of all shapes and sizes–I’ve always been a bit of an ape whisperer. But now that I think about it, maybe the true prank was leaving that many apes in my place without leaving so much as a morsel of ape food behind. As much as I like apes, I still don’t know what they eat, or how much of it. And jeez, there are at least four different kinds of apes here. I’m sure they all have their own distinct diets; what a headache. I’m going to head on down to the pet store to get some recommendations. Who knows, they might have some Ape Chow in the back for me. You know what, I’m going to reach out to an ape researcher and have these beasts properly cared for in habitats that address their various needs, rather than fuss over caring for them by myself, like I’m sure the prankster wants me to do. Now, to maneuver to the bathroom without being mangled to death is my very first goal for this morning. No… sudden… movements…
WHARVED 