A connected few have concocted a scheme more devious than the maddest of hatters’, chopped up and distributed amongst said cronies for entertainment purposes, mostly. Now, a scheme divided by itself is only as powerful as the people who hold the individual parts, and in this case the wealthy, aloof upper crust have no reason to fear a crumbling shambles of a diabolical plan, which goes as follows:

The eldest scheme-holders will each make distinct bird calls while the younger ones in the group practice sewing custom garments from natural silk. As both activities unfold, a specially-selected participant (who up until this point has been sitting in his study, contemplating the life of the average laborer) will shake up a dozen ketchup bottles to the point of bursting, one at a time. 

This combination of inconspicuous actions may seem utterly useless to the untrained eye, but if executed properly, they will reveal the true nature of stock market volatility, even going so far as to allow an accurate prediction of index performance for as many as eight years. This all just goes to prove that the rich will continue to amass fortunes while throwing commoners off the scent with eccentric rituals.

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