Opposable Digits Necessary

I should have put garlic up my sleeve.
You never know if a vampire’s planning
to try some funny business
with ruby port and a corkscrew.
I won’t worry too much about undead daemons
taking my blood, at least not
as much as I would worry about a chicken
lopping my head off with a cleaver
and serving me with a side salad
[after miraculously gaining the upper body
strength and opposable digits necessary
to wield a blunt instrument and prepare
a gourmet meal suitable for a dinner party].

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