Straitjacket: V-17X – Page 18

NaPoWriMo XX

I’m hell-bent on causin’ a ruckus, yessir. I’ve got all the implements, motivation too. Now all that’s left is the sweet smell of havoc.

Now you must be askin’ yourself: “Why does this dude keep talkin’ the talk without so much as a step in the demolition direction?”

Stop that thinkin’ right there, friend. You think I’m chicken? I’ve been bustin’ shit since you were in the womb, don’t give me that grief.

In fact, I don’t know why you even bothered to open your mouth and dispute me. You are some piece of work, you know that?

Of course you do.

Now, while we’re young, why don’t you run over to the corner store and grab me a bottle of Jack.

Don’t give me any of that lip. Jack helps me think. It’s a doin’ man’s drink. You wouldn’t understand that, sweetheart.

You don’t mind if I call you sweetheart, do ya, darlin’?

Didn’t think so.

Flying Ego

Ω: Float and gloat, that’s my motto.

ç: Easy for you to say, flying toaster.

Ω: Suck my chrome.

Egg Strutting

P: Why are you strutting around like that?

F: I just found an egg.

P: What kind?

F: Chicken.

P: Where?

F: The fridge.

P: What’s so special about that?

F: Nothing.

P: Then why are you strutting around like that?

F: I just found an egg.

P: We’ve gone over this. What are you going to do with the egg?

F: Fry it on my forehead.

P: Let me get you a spatula.

F: Thanks buddy.

P: You’re going to have to stop strutting now.

Yep

Q: What is it you want to tell me?

A: I can’t tell you that.

Q: Why not? You just said you want to.

A: Figure of speech.

Q: Why even flap your gums at all?

A: Free country.

Q: You always give up.

A: At least I ain’t no got damn democrat.

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