Author: Aidan Badinger

Wharved.com I am a poet. I write poems. Titles and subjects and subsequent readership are all part of one fragmented figment of our universe, and it's nice that we take it so seriously. Hopefully the craft remains and grows stronger for our children.

Chronicles of I – #14

I hate their guts.

Look
at how they just

hang
there

in the window.

Tell me one time
where a butcher

advertised
its livers
in the front display and

didn’t

lose their business within a month.
That’s exactly what I thought.

Chronicles of I – #12

I hold this very much in contempt at the present moment. Your reaction to my drowning was simply appalling. You didn’t seem to want to do anything at all about it. Sure, you threw up your arms and started shouting at the lifeguard to get off his lazy ass, but I saw you eating a hot dog before I took my last breath. That kind of thing is not acceptable for a fiancĂ©e to do. Honestly, did you think I wouldn’t notice that you put ketchup on it?!

Chronicles of I – #7

I told my sister she should shape her ships in a short-shrift shack. She showed me she could shave sheep on shallow shores, and I sure as hell shook my head.

Rigamarole

I decided to end with a whimper; most folks only appreciate banging around and disrupting the pots and pans from their position aloft in the kitchen as an attempt to befuddle would-be trick-or-treaters who’ve begun begging for candy even earlier this year. A sorry state to see, with fun size candy bars shrinking by the minute. When was the last time the consumer received the service he (according to popular belief) actually deserves?

The Rabbit Catcher Man

Bent over a desk
hunches a forlorn rabbit catcher man
with a broken net.

The net got stuck in the beak of an eagle
trying to carry away a local sheep.

Well, he wouldn’t have minded
if the eagle just took a sheep away,
had he not remembered
that he stuffed a quarter-ounce of diamonds
in the exact animal that the bird had in its sights.

Looking back on the whole scenario,
the rabbit catcher man
didn’t deserve the diamonds anyway.

Diner Debate

It happens
all the time, sugar pie.

Everything we do
on this planet
has some purpose, honey.

We can’t just assume
that we’re on a wet rock
being flung
across an infinite void
for nothing, sweetie buns.

Door #2

Too many people bring the latter for a lift, ya see. They hear the first choice and give out their whoops for as long as they see fit (or however long the applause sign stays lit), only to lose their shit when they see that second prize. Never in their lives had they before witnessed the majesty and unlimited pleasure that they could derive from a 2013 Honda Civic.