You ate a burrito with my name on it in magic marker just to spite me? That’s really using your noggin. For all we know, you could have cancerous cells growing in your esophagus as we speak, burrowing themselves into the healthy tissue and setting up a lengthy picnic that could possibly migrate to the stomach as the week goes on. I know you assumed that I wasn’t going to eat it. That’s really quite marvelous.

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