I decided to end with a whimper; most folks only appreciate banging around and disrupting the pots and pans from their position aloft in the kitchen as an attempt to befuddle would-be trick-or-treaters who’ve begun begging for candy even earlier this year. A sorry state to see, with fun size candy bars shrinking by the minute. When was the last time the consumer received the service he (according to popular belief) actually deserves?

The Rabbit Catcher Man

Bent over a desk
hunches a forlorn rabbit catcher man
with a broken net.

The net got stuck in the beak of an eagle
trying to carry away a local sheep.

Well, he wouldn’t have minded
if the eagle just took a sheep away,
had he not remembered
that he stuffed a quarter-ounce of diamonds
in the exact animal that the bird had in its sights.

Looking back on the whole scenario,
the rabbit catcher man
didn’t deserve the diamonds anyway.

Door #2

Too many people bring the latter for a lift, ya see. They hear the first choice and give out their whoops for as long as they see fit (or however long the applause sign stays lit), only to lose their shit when they see that second prize. Never in their lives had they before witnessed the majesty and unlimited pleasure that they could derive from a 2013 Honda Civic.

I’m Not a Doctor, I Just Play One on TV

Seek a professional consultation
if you’ve recently become exposed to cynicism,
as effects can be immediate.

Long-term results have yet to be obtained
by our experiment, yet our current level of
research in the subject exceeds anything
we could have possibly expected
at the outset
of this
excruciating six-week journey full of paperwork
and less common sense than a hippo’s molars.

Supervisory Woes

Pull it together, figure out the paint chips for the cabinets later! We have to get the hell outta here if we’re gonna make that game in time. Did you want to wait in line for a half-hour just to get a seven dollar beer?! Why do you always drag your feet on Fridays? You’re a huge pain in the ass. You’re lucky I’d get fired if I beat you the way you deserve to be beaten.