WHARVED

Watch? I Understand

Who put the imperial control under Farken’s watch? I understand that he could use some ego boosting, but come on! Jesus, the man lost seven of his direct reports last week! They weren’t even in battle, he just lost them on a field trip to buy galoshes for those horrendous muddy trenches (that he doesn’t know the first thing about cleaning, by the way).

That Donut, Sir

Built upon prepositions and suppositions, this tempestuous piece of evidence provides no clear-cut testimony for future case proceedings. It really just stokes superstition to a raging bonfire of doubt and drunkenness. I can’t, in good conscience, let you walk away with that donut, sir. That’s all I’m trying to say.

NEWSFLASH Real-Life Update

I have begun another general collection of work that has been compiling over the past few years. I have thus far chronicled 48 previously-unpublished pieces, all of which I plan to reveal to you, my adorable readers. Since I have been able to get so far ahead of my production goals, I am now also able to provide a consistent source of stream-of-consciousness work, day-in and day-out. If you (whoever you may be) found yourself moaning about my lack of consistency and reliance on spontaneity, then you’re in luck! I haven’t decided on the exact times for my postings, but I’m sure they will be unpredictable.

Just as a sports fan religiously sets fantasy sports lineups, so shall I schedule my poetry to be revealed to the world wide web. One day I may have wordpress (oh, what a wonderful engine) post a poem at 8:22am and another at 10:39am, only to whittle away the hours until the clock strikes 3:49, when another poem is released.

Just want to keep you on your toes (and get an idea of what’s going to be coming to a monitor near you).

Y’all are the bee’s knees, by the way. I hope you know that.

-Aidan

[Razor] Scraps

Grasp unhinged oyster shell [razor] scraps, but don’t do it too tightly. Blood in the water will attract any number of predators. Well, any number aside from sharks. I mean, when was the last time you saw a shark in the kitchen sink? I suppose one of those plastic bath toys would closely resemble the real animals, but nobody in their right minds would mistake one of those things for a true man-eater.

Alive Today. If

Given the governor’s penchant for making pudding a snack of the ages, I’d say we have a fifty-fifty chance of making it out of the arena alive today. If he sells enough cups of pudding to satiate his royal pocketbook, then we may have a chance to escape without his wrath being rained down upon us. A rich king is a jovial king, I’ve always found. It’s too bad that he used his position as a public servant to prop himself on the shoulders of much greater men. I think he had an issue earlier in life that probably caused him to crave power like an addict craves heroin.