Category: Poetry

Peter put the posies in a paper bag and shook them until the petals started to come off. He heard about this technique on daytime television as a way to accelerate the acquisition of fine potpourri for his bathroom, but he didn’t feel like following up with anything else. His brand of potpourri ended up being a bowl of wilting posey petals and nothing else. No pinecones, no cinnamon sticks, nothing.

She agreed to kiss him
under the condition
that they both drink
fifteen ounces of fresh water first.

Little did she know
that water would only
aggravate bad breath conditions
and make the kiss a miserable experience.

Mississippi and Misterssippi
found a baby
in their breadbox one morning.
Nobody could tell them
how it got there.

Local experts thought
it could have been smuggled in,
but why the breadbox of all places?
Everyone was stumped on that.

He preferred his brains roasted
with a glass of fine vouvray
every evening at seven sharp.
No later, no sooner, or
he wouldn’t know when to eat.
He had an idea, but only that,
at mealtime he needed a bell
to be rung and rung again.
But yesterday Denis (the man
who rings the bell) had to
pick up his kid from the hospital
and abandoned his post.
There were no bells.
The whole meal was ruined.
It was a damn shame.

We landed up on a rising,
no more than fifty feet
from the balcony,
when a galloping rhinoceros
snarled at us,
mad about the redirectioning.

Oh, was he a mean one.

It’s a skinny shame
that our streusel’s stuck
in bed. There’s no chance
of getting it out now,
no jaws of life will suffice.

Every pore of that
Egyptian cotton
is contaminated,
and you’re kidding yourself
if you think your sheets
will ever be the same.

It starts with a whip and a flip.
You can’t miss any of those
scrambled egg connotations,
flung through the kitchen window
onto an innocent bystander’s curly locks.

If you have a notion
to be flip about silky consistency
and yolk dispersal, by all means,
do so on your own time.
There’s a man out there
who’ll need to take a second shower today
because of your negligence.