Well (II)

Do you whistle into wells? Do you whistle well into wells? Are you a well whistler whistling well into wells? Well, whistle well, my well-whistling wunderkind. Why? well, ask no more. Wealth wills walls to wake wavy Willis wisdom, now more readily-available to the masses than ever before. Whether the world would be willing to Continue reading Well (II)

The New Norm

Who among us possesses the heightened foresight necessary for the stoppage of Lincoln Log assembly lines–from the comfort of our own homes, no less? You may or may not be surprised to learn that less than two-thirds of one percent of the eligible voting population has the wisdom needed to stall the complete automation of Continue reading The New Norm


The future of telekinetics goes as follows: Gene Squadron Trowel-Resistant Pantaloons Jungle Drapes, Inc. [A Subsidiary of Jaunty Enterprises] Tom Cat Harry and his Grumpy Shenanigans [That Silly Old Boy, He Really Should Be Put Down] But Aren’t You a Bob Marley Impersonator? Yesterday, 12,000 bees or so decided to, uh, there’s no other way Continue reading Telekinetics

March On

Umpteen liberty steaks transgress like no other cut of meat ever conceived by our dedicated team of mix-n-match overachievers, and you can quote me on that. I don’t find this grand display of sentience to be entirely unexpected, but I really thought a few generations of anthropomorphization would have had to come and go before Continue reading March On

The OM

Twelfth set of longings today. That’s an awful lot of bagel children moping around without lox, nary a lick of cream cheese in sight. What are they to do? All they really can do is visualize the OM, the didgeridoo spanning the moment as though it always knew there would be a bagel cart at Continue reading The OM


Executive injection happenstances color nothing but the most exquisite C-suite big wigs. Why? ROI. ROI is why. Returning overused ivory is the name of the game, people. Got an old Wurlitzer on its last legs? Sell that sucker to us and we’ll do all the schlepping on your behalf. No need to break your back Continue reading Ilk


Gory lent me the Cory Tory, understated like a chain monger of tertiary constraints (whereas secondary constraint leaves restraint to the masses, for lack of a better paradigm). Permanently purposeful is the name of the game, according to most scholars in the vicinity of your traditional eagle-necked–and somewhat tedious–outlook. Gyp whipped up a stew and Continue reading Scheme