I leapt at the chance to have my name engraved on my very own garbage can. Now when my trash is picked up, it will have an identity and a purpose. Sure, it will just end up in a landfill, but an observant trash collector will get the chance to concoct a story surrounding that … Continue reading A Brief Flicker
We all needn’t shatter our mouths on such unworkable jawbreakers, there’s no cause for that activity. I’m afraid of losing my teeth, so what we shall do is clear. We’ll scrap all that candy and get some beef jerky, as we still want a bit of a challenge.
We launched the remnants of a poplar tree through the air and watched it come down with a smack. There’s something so satisfying about flinging logs in random directions and watching passers-by scratch their heads in amusement. Next time we’ll make papier mâché planes and float them over the lake until they fall and get … Continue reading Before We Get Bored
The previous tenant didn’t paint the walls before leaving. You can see the outlines of picture frames, hung before the paint had a chance to dry properly. This person is always hurrying here and there, and can presently be found lunging at trees in the park, playing a game of chicken they can never win.
Marty has a look on his face that indicates his intimate knowledge of the price of limes at his corner bodega, but he won’t tell anyone. He wants people to see for themselves while visiting the store and perusing the produce. Marty has always been a proponent of mom and pop places, and his face … Continue reading Mom and Pop Places
Timmy wrapped a towel around his head to protect his locks from the elements so he could stroll about freely around the square without a care in the world.
A string with the personality of a human strikes under the weather, through the phases of life that pull at its core. Elegantly twirling through stories of its origin, it plucks and harmonizes with itself in a grand gesture of goodwill. Nothing is finite for this string, it sees existence as a stroke of light … Continue reading A String
Peter put the posies in a paper bag and shook them until the petals started to come off. He heard about this technique on daytime television as a way to accelerate the acquisition of fine potpourri for his bathroom, but he didn’t feel like following up with anything else. His brand of potpourri ended up … Continue reading Fine Potpourri
She agreed to kiss him under the condition that they both drink fifteen ounces of fresh water first. Little did she know that water would only aggravate bad breath conditions and make the kiss a miserable experience.
Mississippi and Misterssippi found a baby in their breadbox one morning. Nobody could tell them how it got there. Local experts thought it could have been smuggled in, but why the breadbox of all places? Everyone was stumped on that.
He preferred his brains roasted with a glass of fine vouvray every evening at seven sharp. No later, no sooner, or he wouldn’t know when to eat. He had an idea, but only that, at mealtime he needed a bell to be rung and rung again. But yesterday Denis (the man who rings the bell) … Continue reading A Damn Shame
We landed up on a rising, no more than fifty feet from the balcony, when a galloping rhinoceros snarled at us, mad about the redirectioning. Oh, was he a mean one.
It’s a skinny shame that our streusel’s stuck in bed. There’s no chance of getting it out now, no jaws of life will suffice. Every pore of that Egyptian cotton is contaminated, and you’re kidding yourself if you think your sheets will ever be the same.
It starts with a whip and a flip. You can’t miss any of those scrambled egg connotations, flung through the kitchen window onto an innocent bystander’s curly locks. If you have a notion to be flip about silky consistency and yolk dispersal, by all means, do so on your own time. There’s a man out … Continue reading Scrambled Egg Connotations
There have to be more ways to sink a ship than by pelting it with thousands of turtle shells, but I can’t think of any. I mean, we can pelt it with live armadillos or unripe durians to achieve a similar effect, but why are we trying to sink the ship anyway? Aren’t there people … Continue reading Sink the Ship
Screaming at the rhythm does a lot of good. It can tie knots where none had previously existed, taking twine to task and sneaking compliments under the covers, where our mothers would never suspect. So scream at the rhythm as though you lost a game of chess against yourself, never once stagnating or pointing an … Continue reading Scream at the Rhythm
It doesn’t matter how the framed reference goes about its day, we have no qualms whatsoever. Any encyclopedia entry stuck up on the wall can illuminate a page’s worth of facts about the natural world, and there’s no way we’re taking that for granted. The planets are in orbit, the rabbits are procreating, the pole … Continue reading No Qualms Whatsoever