It came past to never or not in the eyes of the big one in the sky, but that didn’t quite do it anyhow anyway, now did it? Oh, no. You can’t get away that easy around here, mister.
“Where do you keep your rat tippers?” “I keep my rat tippers with my cow flippers, in the back-right corner of the pantry next to the party fixins. Why do you ask?” “I really need something to get these rats off my case, especially because of this ingrown toenail I have. I can’t risk being … Continue reading Rat Tippers
What are we melting here when all the cheese has been stolen anyway? We need a common enemy, or at least someone to complain about while we try out new galoshes in the mucky weather. As long as our common enemy has some kind of cheese stash, I can absolutely get behind verbal torture, like … Continue reading Our Common Enemy
A cold little crouton prefers to be somewhat frozen over being baked into a melange of messes, and I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to dignify these oddball questions with suitable responses. I mean, half of my time has been spent trying to describe a heron’s flight patterns to preschoolers, and … Continue reading Monument to Salad
Hounding the rose garden with a turnip-snouted affair could lead to regret as long as you flub up the orders coming in at a mile a minute. If you bring out the best of the vichyssoise for our esteemed colleague on the day of his daughter’s wedding, I’d say you’ll have plenty of opportunities to … Continue reading His Granting of Favors