For a Leg


It’s not right to have a sack of potatoes for a leg. Pick another vegetable, something less starchy with more fiber and vitamin C. Our audience will identify with a bundle of curly kale or a jicama pile, preferably one on top of the other on top of the other.

Smelled by None Other


I like that declaration of something being done for the sole purpose of its completion and nothing else– you know, the castle made of fragrant taco meat defended by French toast molecular structures blown up to be visible to the naked eye and smelled by none other than the Duke of Prunes.

Ants, No


Nothing quite like a dangling resolution to soil one’s party–ants, no. Ants have no picnics to ruin today, or any other day. They just meander onto your blanket in search of easy sustenance. Do they know they’re not meant to take from your first-world bounty? Of course not. Poor buggers, they are.

Benny the First


Benny the Bootlicker stepped aside once more with humility, the only thing he ever really had. This time he lost a pie-eating contest to that bozo two counties over. After all the face-stuffing and side-splitting, Benny gave up another half-written dream.