NaPoWriMo 2014 – XI


I’m having a tricky time
pulling my thumbs
from this tangled extinction event–

I know I can use them
for the rest of my life
[if my life were to continue tomorrow].

But no matter my strategy,
I’m trapped and helpless,
my thumbs getting stiffer by the minute.

Now I know how those poor dogs feel
when they try to answer the telephone.

Thought Capital


We thought outside the box when it was still a triangle. We are the progenitors of unconventional thought. Every day, our ad house pumps out unique campaigns and slogans that guarantee our stability as we move forward through the 21st Century. Our mission has always been to scare up free associations and create valuable commodities through words alone. We are America’s last true cottage industry–our creative staff works at home in their boxers and does nothing but generate new combinations of letters in eye-catching tidbits. It only takes one ingenious concoction to make our agency more valuable, and we understand that the road to such lucrative products is paved with half-baked, sometimes ludicrous content. For every JeanKnees and Penergy we create, there are thousands of RhinBows and StareWells left behind. There is no known formula for marketing success–we rely on the public to weed out the bad ones. Our office downtown is set up for nothing but focus groups, 24/7. The building is rigged with more two-way glass than every police precinct in the state combined. Twenty-six floors (we use letters, not numbers), fifty suites in each one. We have more ideas from A to Z per capita than the entire country of Armenia.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – VIII


Everybody look at the man on the bike with his matching green helmet and shit-eating grin. He’s working his way toward a future with others who share his passion for two-wheeled transport, but until that day comes, he’ll have to go it alone, scaring pedestrians and breaking all the laws he possibly can. He needs to cultivate a legacy of rebellion and a blatant disregard for anything safe, or he won’t manage to sell the whole reckless lifestyle to average folks who’ve been looking for placement in the echelon of amoral roustabouts and hoodlums destined for road rash.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – VII


The elite slurp from their goblets, usually something boozy. There’s rarely anything potent enough to get the job done, except through extended periods of hearty imbibing without the dreaded safety net of sustenance. On top of the pile, they must imagine (in their own way) the plight of the lower class as they slur their words. They let loose a torrent of racist generalizations that, in their minds, are truly adequate for depicting the struggle endured by their moral superiors each and every day.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – V


Temper, sir, temper!
You must listen to reason
for reason to listen to you, sir.

Too many times I’ve seen you
standing while sleeping, sir.

I’m not too sure you’ve got
your head screwed on straight, sir.

But don’t you mind anything
I might say today, sir, for

your daughter is about to be married
and you still need to put on your tux.

Sir.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – IV


If this stinkin’ apartment loses all its things
to a flood or a feckin’ foreclosure,
we’ll all have to come out for one last hoorah
in a toast to the memories stored there.

Rather than sit down and make a long list
of extraordinary memory figments,
I’ll bust the front door down with cannonballs,
dragonflies and one very insecure rhino.

We can’t trust our city to get the job done,
that blind faith is ludicrous, people.
Please get out your pickaxe and uncage your birds
for a night we might never forget.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – III


I have a little box of buttery chicken
sitting on the windowsill,
and I’m afraid that the rain
might disrupt its prime state of edibility.

It was eligible just a few minutes ago
when I put it there, steaming
and practically bulging with flavor notes.

But it seems as though the birds in the trees
have discovered their fallen sister
and subsequently called
to their great bird in the sky
for watery vengeance.

NaPoWriMo 2014 – II


And if that lump
looked like a goiter to you,
that’s most likely because
you had too much of that
bad spinach lasagna last night.

I’m not responsible
for any hallucinations
you may or may not have
due to leafy greens.

I thought you’d at least managed
to grow up into a respectable adult
since you last visited me, but
I’ve been wrong in my judgments before.