Wing Man


X: Who do I want as my wingman?

O: Ooh! Pick me!

X: And why are you suitable for this prestigious post?

O: Don’t you see my wings, dude? Chicks LOVE ’em.

X: Of course chicks love wings; they have little stubby ones and wish they could just grow up and get their feathers already.

O: I meant girls.

X: Oh… all right, let’s give this a shot.

The Overwhelming Supposition


The overwhelming supposition stands as an indefinite struggle, though melodrama does nobody any good these days, save a few entertaining blips of stifled criticism met by indolent sarcasm and meaningless banter.

Is this the vast majority? I feel isolated by my critical thoughts; is there any use for constructive negativity anymore anyway? Seems most folks take personal offense, as though my evaluation were made to cause harm without offering a solution. Even if I weren’t to pony up a suggestion, would it be my place to exert my will and skill upon these hypothetical sad sacks? It really depends upon the level at which they operate in their daily existence.

The moral of the story is: never try.

Apostrophe Bells


Bring it on from dusk ’til dawn;
we rendezvous at the stellar transmission.

Kindly, full-hearted apostrophe bells
understate global warmth, ever warming.

Hold us accountable, creative director–
we can always see where we went wrong.

Swimming up through our old molasses pits,
It’s time to kick those habits with a steel-toed boot.

Glue


“It’s a great part! How many times do I have to tell you? The fact that you’re not listening only aggravates my rage. Will you take off your headphones? Hello?! Hey, these things are stuck to your head! Did you glue them on? Are you so spiteful and petty as to purposefully ruin a perfectly good pair of headphones just to avoid listening to me? What if I had to tell you something really important, huh? What if I were telling you that I’m pregnant?!”

“Are you?”

“What, pregnant? That’s none of your business anyway. Hey, don’t tune me out! I can see your eyes glazing over!”